Random Little Penguin

Sick :(

2008-05-15T11:10:00.000-07:00

I am sick. Like, actually sick. I have bronchitis :( This is the third day in a row that I've taken off from work and I *never* take time off work because of illness. I've worked there for 2.5 years and this is my fourth sick day, all of which have been in the past two months. I went to the doctor and he told me that I'd finally done what everyone had been warning me I was going to do: I ran my immune system into the ground. He prescribed me one week of penicillin and two weeks of bed rest. I can do the week of penicillin, but the two weeks of bed rest is not practical with my schedule (which is, incidentally, what landed me in this predicament to start with). Therefore, I am compensating. It's been really bad the past few days, so I haven't gone to work or school and I've stayed home and slept instead. I've slept A LOT! Probably around 60 of the last 72 hours have been spent with my eyes closed. On the plus side, I am beginning to feel moderately human again! On the downside, taking time off of work and school has caused me an extra amount of stress... At least there's no homework to catch up on from missing work :) Buuut... tuition deadline is Tuesday and the unearned wages are making me squirm a bit. I'm not in dire financial need or anything like that, I'd just rather not dip into my savings if I didn't have to. God is good in the midst of trials like these. He has the power to heal me and to provide for all of my needs, which he's doing - just in his time, not mine.

On a completely different note, I'm kind of getting tired of the look of this blog and I'm thinking of changing it up a little. I don't even know if people read this anymore, but if you are reading this and you have a 'new blog look' suggestion, please leave a comment with your ideas :)

I'm off to procure some Tylenol Cold (copyright thingamajig) and perhaps bake a cake (it's my younger brother's 11th birthday today :D).
TTFN

It's been a while...

2008-04-06T15:21:00.000-07:00

I was just flipping (or clicking) through my internet bookmarks and remembered that I haven't posted on here in aaaaaaaages. Ironically, I made my last post on the day before classes began at the beginning of the semester and here I am posting again the day before the end of classes. Weird. Anyway, I suppose the long period of time between post leaves many events untold. I don't know if I'll go over all of the stuff that happened... no, I won't. The big things are more or less known anyway. I survived the semester (so far, given that it's not officially over yet)! I'm looking forward to the end of exams, but that is nothing new. What is new is that I am taking a break from school. No, I don't mean those few measly days between exams and the following semester. I am taking a real break! Now, before you begin to panic and start thinking that I'm leaving university and never going back, allow me to explain myself. This upcoming semester will be my sixth consecutive semester. I am tired, tired, tired of classes, homework, and exams.
I am sick of getting up at ungodly hours throughout the year just to drag myself to a place where I don't actually want to be to listen to a voice I don't want to hear to talk about something I'm not terribly interested in. I'm tired of standing in line to buy a parking ticket in the pouring rain, with everyone around me grumpy and complaining about how many of the machines aren't working and how high the parking costs are. I'm tired of staying up late to finish assignments and study for the midterm that is coincidentally on the same day that the assignment is due. I'm tired of professors who give lectures right after they've administered a brutal midterm. I'm tired of needing an intravenous coffee supply just to make it through the day.
That being said, I am taking a break. I suppose the last paragraph isn't the most positive note to begin an explanation with, but I figured it would give an idea of my motivation. In spite of all of that stuff, some of which is my own fault, I do want to keep going and I do want to get my degree. I just decided I needed a decent amount of time when school wouldn't be constantly haunting me. Even in my break I'm being terribly practical. I really wish I could take a whole semester off, but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I am taking only early semester classes this summer. That essentially means that I am doing a regular semester in half the time. So, instead of being in school for four months over the summer, my semester will start in May (like normal) and end in June (not normal). Since the semester will end in June, I will be left with two full months of joyful school-less-ness! Yay! In addition to that, I'm taking a trip to Oregon between the current semester and the next. I'm super stoked for that :) I have a countdown and everything!
I'm pretty sure that's all that is considered new at the moment... Hopefully I can remember more often that this blog exists and I'll check back to post more frequently. No promises though ;)

Cheers!

January is far too similar to September

2008-01-06T13:45:00.000-08:00

Classes start tomorrow. Sound familiar? Matt went back a while ago, Grant went back this afternoon. I am currently trying to distract myself from the cruel reality by catching up on my email and facebook and laundry and blogging and... anything that will take my mind off of school and leaving people. Attempting to drown myself in good music and good chocolate is working to a certain extent, but I'm afraid I'll get a stomachache or one of those songs (the kind that basically tell you word-for-word how you're feeling) will come on and make me cry. Besides all of that, I am actually quite happy. Things have been going incredibly well on the homefront :) MY PARENTS ARE COMING TO CHURCH! They've been coming for a few weeks now. Both of their new jobs are going well and everyone is a whole lot happier. 2008 looks pretty good from here. It might snow again this afternoon. We've had quite an unusually large amount of snow in the past winter season. It even snowed on Christmas! I have pictures with time/date stamps to prove it. (I turned the date/time stamp function specifically for that purpose ^^) I should probably go switch over the laundry before the distraction wears off.

Best wishes from a lonely little penguin,
B1

IT'S SNOWING!

2007-11-26T23:08:00.000-08:00

Guess what? It SNOWED! AND IT STUCK! AND I DROVE IN IT! AND I'M SAFE! AND THAT MAKES TOO MANY SENTENCES STARTING WITH "AND"!

Thank you, God, for the snow. It is positively gorgeous :)

In the wake of American thanksgiving...

2007-11-26T12:37:00.001-08:00

God is good. Life is good.
Flashback: Please squint your eyes until the screen goes blurry and hum some flashback music to yourself...
***
The long weekend was pretty darn fantastic! It was wonderful to see everyone again and I got to spend some quality time with Grant before he had to go back. I am really thankful for that mini-break in the midst of school chaos. It even helped me with my assignments! Even though I skipped my classes on the Tuesday after... Seriously though, I'm not even kidding, the long weekend helped me with school! Not even for the rest, but for the experience. I had a short story due the Wednesday after the long weekend and I had tried for weeks to get it done but it just wasn't working. Eight different attempts with completely different plots and ideas later... I said good bye to Grant at the airport. Seemingly unrelated, right? Yes and no. I'm really quite awful when it comes to goodbyes. It didn't help to know that I wasn't going to see him again for quite some time. Anyway, we said goodbye at the airport and I left and headed home. I was a mess! I hate crying, but sometimes it's unavoidable. I got home and I had this assignment looming over my head and I still didn't have any ideas that would work... I nearly gave up. (It's harder to write fiction than you think!) In a desperate attempt to both feel better and get my homework done, I started to write about my experience at the airport. After changing some minor details and using up a lot of Kleenex, my story was finished and I was satisfied with it. When I got it back the following class, my entire workshop group had loved it and my prof did too. It even made my mom cry when she read it. I find it kind of funny how something so discouraging and unhappy (such as saying goodbye to someone you love at an airport) can have such a positive outcome, indirectly.

Back to now... (to end flashback, repeat directions above - same for beginning flashback)

***

So there are only 7 days left 'til classes are over... YAY! That means I only have one french class (BIGGEST YAY EVER) left and one french lab, two english 209 classes, and two english 212 classes left. The end of the semester is so close I feel like I could almost reach out and tangibly touch it. The only thing that mildly puts a damper on things is that I still have exams after that. Though, in all honesty, I have a lot to be thankful for there too. I am taking three courses, but only 2 have final exams. My english 209 final looks like it's going to be fairly straightforward, but I am absolutely terrified for my french exam. Given the class history, I say I have reason to be scared. It's in God's hands. We'll see what happens.

Christmas is coming! People are almost coming home again! A bunch of us are going to see Trans Siberian Orchestra this Friday! My mom is loving her new job and she's really interested in making Christ a bigger part of her life! My mom's been coming to church! She asked for a bible for Christmas (which is totally happening)!

All in all, I think I've got a lot to be thankful for. It might even snow today! I think the best way to end is the way I started.

God is good. Life is good.

On the brink of a long weekend...

2007-11-09T20:49:00.000-08:00

and all that I can say is:

YAY!
See most of you tomorrow :D
<3

Here comes the sun... doo doo doo doo... Here comes the sun and I say, it's alright :)

2007-11-05T13:21:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted, but what else is new ;) I'm finished my midterms (Thank God!) and I'm currently just trying to ride out the last of the semester. The weather today is absolutely gorgeous! Bright sunshine, temperature of a balmy 13 degrees, fall colours in raging glory... what more could one ask for? To make things even better, last week is over! My last week was one giant sob-story. Between work being awful, school being worse, and typical cold rainy Vancouverian weather I was ready to pack up and head to Maui or something... I don't know why, but everything that could go wrong went wrong, or at least that's how it felt. I'm looking forward to this week with much more excitement :) LONG WEEKEND IN 4 DAYS AND SOMETHING HOURS! That means that some of my favourite people (who I have not seen in a very long time) will be coming home! I'm reeeeaaaallllly looking forward to the weekend. When you've got something like that to look forward to, the rest of the week is a piece of cake :) 27 days left in the semester, including weekends and holidays... Only 8 classes of French and 4 labs left... YAY! For once, the numbers are on my side. Youth this week is going to be fun too - it's Gym Jam. We'll see how that goes. I have roughly a day and a half to figure out the most tacky workout ensemble I can muster. I also get to sleep over at Megan's. We haven't done that in ages... I'm really looking forward to it! I think I finally broke my glum-post run :D Yay!
I will undoubtedly see all of you soon and I anticipate that with much excitement and gleeful joyness :D TTFN

And back again...

2007-10-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

I went to Camp Squeah this past weekend on a retreat with our church youth group. It was sooo much fun! (Minus the bus rides and other things that made me think it would be my last retreat as a leader *ever*). We talked about some really awesome stuff and we had a communion that I am going to remember for the rest of my life! It was amazing to see the ways that God is working in our youth group. And, at some point or another, I thought of each of you and wished you could be there. Megan - practically all the time!! When I was talking with the girls and they had questions or said random things that didn't line up with the bible, I missed your gentle correcting way and your wealth of knowledge and understanding. I also missed you when we had time to hang out and talk with the other leaders... We always have the best conversations with the perfect mix of seriousness and laughter :) Matt - They brought a Wii and half the kids didn't even know how to play... There were some random computer jokes too, and nobody was getting them :( I also missed your musical expertise. The weekend was seriously lacking in tunes. (For those of you who are not terribly fond of mushiness, I advise you to skip ahead to the next paragraph) Grant - I missed you every time someone asked me if I had a boyfriend, how long I had been dating said boyfriend, if I was going to marry said boyfriend, if I was in love with said boyfriend, when I would marry said boyfriend... you get the idea. (p.s. My answers: Yes, almost 2 years, hopefully soon, most definitely, *fingers crossed* 2009...) I missed you at night, when I was standing outside looking at the stars and wishing you were next to me to give me a hug. I missed you when I was eating and there was no one around to eat the food I couldn't finish :( I missed the words I know you would have whispered when I was so frustrated and upset. I missed your presence protecting me from awkward situations... I missed our late night phone(ish) conversations and I missed your familiar chiming of "Nite nite" and our 143s.

Ok, as promised the mushiness has ended and you continue to read on in mushiless comfort. The retreat helped me to remember some things I had forgotten in my walk with God. Koenraad (coolest name ever, I know!) gave us some cool things to think about over the course of the weekend. He talked about how worship doesn't necessarily mean singing or playing an instrument, how our identity is *not* whichever mask we are wearing, the power of forgiveness and repenting, and how the bible is real and alive and relevant in our lives (even if we've heard the story a bazillion times). I came back and did some re-evaluating of my spiritual life. I have some things I need to work on! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in my renos though. God is my contractor! How cool is that? He's in charge and He's going to make sure I don't knock down my "house". That's my own analogy, lol. All in all, this week has been great! I drove a girl from my french class home today and we had a chance to just chill and talk. It rocks making new friends! We are planning to prep for our midterm together; that's a big blessing for me because I was uber worried about it!
In conclusion, you can forget that I just put "In conclusion" because it is completely random and irrelevant... I just felt like writing that for some odd reason.
Moral of this post is: God is GOOD. God is GREAT. God is AWESOME. God loves me very much and I love God very much <3
P.S. God loves you very much too! <3 <3

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows! (Or a much-needed long weekend)

2007-10-05T20:49:00.000-07:00

There and back again. That pretty much sums it up. So much has happened since my last blog post... Or at least it feels like it. I went on a sponsor retreat for Lifeline last weekend and it was exactly what I needed. I've been in a bad spot for a while, as far as I'm concerned, when it comes to where my spirituality sits. The last year and a half have been really rough and I let some things slide that I really shouldn't have. The retreat reminded me that God wants my attention and that I am in no position to deny Him that. It's really easy to get preoccupied with homework and work and busyness... I am learning that God's going to meet me where I'm at, but it's still my responsibility to make an effort. I'd been feeling really down in the past while and I didn't even stop to think that it might have something to do with my hurting relationship with God. Now, after realizing what's happened and what I need to work on, I've got my joy back! And it's pretty much invincible! It's incredible how strong joy is when it comes from God. It's not the false temporary kind that comes from the things of this world. This kind of joy fills you from the bottom to the top, and continues to overflow to the point where you feel like you'll never be empty again. It's true too. I won't be empty again, as I long as I remember and cling to the source of the good stuff. I have hope again :) It's so nice!
This weekend is a long weekend too! That means getting to see people that you haven't seen in ages annnnnd sleeping in on a Monday!!! :D I'm really looking forward to a bit of downtime. For once, lol. Ahh, it feels so good to be on the brink of something fantastic.
Hopefully you are all looking forward to the long weekend too, with its opportunities for rest, time to get work done, and time to spend with friends.

May God bless you and keep you and fill you to overflowing with His love and joy!

What to do?

2007-09-23T14:49:00.001-07:00

Central Heights has dropped its young adults ministry. That means no more Sunday School. That means sitting in coffee connections for an hour or so wasting time and straining to hear the conversations going on around me. I was afraid this would happen. I've been contemplating different things. I thought maybe it wouldn't matter so much to not have Sunday School at first because I thought I could still go to InsideOut, but I can't because I work on Mondays. Then I thought of switching churches, just for Sunday - meaning still going to Lifeline on Wednesdays and stuff. That idea is both appealing and unappealing. I would like to go somewhere where I will learn. Today, I feel like I would have accomplished more by staying home and doing nothing. It sucks. I didn't go to service today either, because we were in JAM. I don't know how much longer I want to be in JAM either... I just feel like I'm not growing at this church anymore and it really scares me. I want to learn and I want to grow. I wish I could go to a school where it was part of the curriculum or something, anything really. The reasons I don't want to leave CHC are significant. My friends are there. It's safe. It's comfortable. My little brother likes it there and he is learning and growing. I love the Lifeline ministry I am involved in. For right now, I'm in limbo. I don't where to go or what to do. I'm going to pray about it and see what happens from there. I just feel really trapped, and church isn't about imprisoning people, it's supposed to be about helping them find freedom.

On another, equally disappointing note, my dad quit his job on Friday. That leaves both of my parents unemployed and completely stressed out. The job was really not that great for him. It started out seeming alright, but then he was having to work 4-5 hours of overtime *every* day. It also included a lot of physical labour that was too much for his body to handle. He's been having back and leg problems since he started. My mom was mad about it from the start 'cause it never seemed to be getting better and the company had broken all of its promises. On top of that, my great uncle passed away the night that he quit. My dad's mom called the next morning to let him know. I think it's really hit him hard. My mom has been crying constantly for the past few days.

That's about all. I'm too upset to add anything else right now.

The Dame and the what??!!

2007-09-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

I know the title of this post makes absolutely no sense to you. It didn't to me either, until my English class this morning. I'm learning!!! AND IT'S FUN!!! I am loving my classes right now. I have fantastic professors and really cool peers in all of them. For once in my university career, I am not in a hurry to leave campus when my classes end. I don't hole myself up in the study lounge either. There seem to be so many more people that I know this year, people I keep running into or seeing in the halls... It's great!

My English 209 class (Structure of English Language) is fabulous. Adrian is in that class with me and we always have a great time. Our professor is a riot! He is funny and intelligent and bears a mild resemblance to Santa Claus. We have already learned so much in that class! It's interesting and interactive - not the kind of class where you just sit and listen to an old guy with a bad accent drone for three hours. I am also totally in love with the fact that all of my classes are twice a week, meaning no three-hour lectures!

Added about a week later.... I wrote this post and I didn't post it. Can't remember why... Must've gone to do something else. Here it is, as I left it.

Pondering

2007-09-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

There have been many things happening lately. The fall is usually a time of change in my life, but this year it appears to contain more change. I got a call a few days ago from a woman who wants me to tutor her children in English. So, thanks to a recommendation from Megan :), I now have a tutoring job! It's four hours a week - 2 on Tuesday and 2 on Thursday. I am excited to start! Teaching English as a second language is something that has piqued my interest for a little while and this will be an opportunity to explore it and hopefully it will help me gain some valuable teaching experience. So, if you think of it, please pray for wisdom and patience and all of the things necessary for making a positive difference in the lives of the children I will be helping. Like I said before, I am excited, but I am also nervous :S.

I have a restlessness in my bones of late... I have a desire to travel and break from the routine that ties me down. I've been looking into various options and the response has been unimaginably positive. I got a call from Marco of the Continental Singers asking me if I was still interested in becoming a part of their program and asking me to give him a call back. I have yet to do that, but I'm thinking I might. I have also been considering becoming an au pair. I have received a few emails from interested families in many different places - from Barrie, Ontario to London, England. So many things have been happening... It really feels like I'm on the edge of a big change. Today someone said something to me that got me thinking even more. I still don't know whether it was serious or not and, until I do, I'm not really in any position to make any decisions or conclusions about it.

As the title of this post suggests, I'm pondering. I've got an awful lot to ponder over the next little while. I'm extremely relieved that I'm not in charge here. It's reassuring to know that God is taking care of all of it, even when I feel like I'm on the brink of a tsunami of change. For now, I am content to sit back, quietly observe what's happening around me, and enjoy the ride.

Surf's up!

2007-09-07T21:00:00.000-07:00

I have THE best friends EVER! My birthday was yesterday. Usually, people get excited for their birthdays and they look forward to the arrival of the anniversary of their birth. Not me. I'm notorious for forgetting my own birthday. Pretty sad, eh? To my credit, my birthday falls at a pretty busy time, so it's pretty easy to forget. Last year, I forgot my own birthday. I didn't remember 'til my mom called me on my way to school and started singing. All of my friends It was pretty much the worst birthday ever... This year was completely different! People started wishing me a happy birthday from 12:00 am and on from there. I had a class with Adrian in the morning and we got to eat lunch together afterward. School went decently well and I didn't have to work. After school, Adrian and I headed back to my house and Megan joined us later on. WE ate together, talked together, and laughed together. It was fabulous! No huge party with tonnes of alcohol and ear-drum rupturing music, just a few friends and my family spending some time together. Needless to say, yesterday rocked :) I got some cool, useful presents that have already provided many hours of amusement and enjoyment. There are so many other little things too... small things that have all added up to an amazing beginning for the next year. I'm excited to see what else God has in store for me. Things are finally starting to look up! Yet again, I find that music says it best. I'll let the song do the talking:

Feeling Good - Michael Bublé

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on the tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Yeah freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good

Peace out y'all ;)

N <3

Let that be enough.

2007-09-05T16:47:00.000-07:00

This post is pretty cut-and-dried. The following are lyrics from an older Switchfoot song. This song sums up where I am and what I'm feeling at the moment. Isn't it great how songs can be perfect for that?

Let that be Enough - Switchfoot

Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

September Blues

2007-09-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

September has arrived once again, bringing hints of fall and the beginning of a new school year. I often wonder why it always feel like summer is never long enough... I think today is the worst of it. If I can make it through this day, I can make it through this week. If I can make it through this week, I can make it through this month. I'm just trying not to think too much today. Matt and Grant left this morning. I went to the airport (after much internal debate) to see Grant off. I'm still not terribly sure that it was the best idea... I'm glad that I got to see him again before he left, but I'm not the best when it comes to goodbyes. Emotionally, I'm pretty much in turmoil right now. I haven't cried this much in a very long time. Love is such a funny thing. It can make you feel better than anything and it can make you feel worse than anything. This is a worse-than-anything moment for me :) Funny to put a smile there, I know, but it's my mild attempt at humour. Good news though! I'm one day closer to school being over! That's the eternal optimism there. Guess I'm not as out of it as I thought... ;)

The marks are in, and I'm still breathing.

2007-08-20T23:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, I got my Psych mark back today. I have been checking on a fairly regular basis, mostly out of concern for my gpa. For the record, my gpa is just fine. KPE and Engl150 brought it up quite a bit and Psych did bring it down, though not enough to make me wish I'd audited. I'm sitting at a safe .01 above where I need to be. Let's just hope it stays there, for the sake of the program I'm trying to enter. In other news, I think I'm dropping one of the courses I've signed up for for the upcoming fall semester. It's a Canadian history course and it really does nothing to help me towards my degree. At this time it's simply an extra expense I don't need. The rough part of that is, I realised this a bit too late for a full refund (darn!). I now have to pay 10% of the course fee. I think. Still, 30$ is a more friendly price to pay than $300! As of right this second, I am still enrolled in said history course. I think I will end this post and go withdraw before I change my mind again. With the onslaught of September, I find my reasoning becomes a bit shakier and my desire to think of school and school-related activities reaches an all-time low. I wonder what the explanation could be... TTFN, FGLH :P

Yay! and Boo!

2007-08-15T23:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, yet another mixed post... I know, I know, I'm sick of them too. First the "Yay" bit. I'M FINISHED SUMMER SEMESTER!!! I had my last exam a week ago tomorrow. I even have one of my marks back already! I wound up getting a miraculous A in KPE, for which I am extremely thankful. I still don't know my Psych mark, nor do I honestly care that much about it as long as it doesn't make my GPA plummet :s I'm really just thankful to be done... That leaves me with some actual free time ( :O :O :O ) before school returns. I have already had one day without school or work and I did enjoy it immensely! Unfortunately, with summer semester ending so late, my little piece of vacation feels quite overshadowed by the impending doom that is September. The worst part about this is that I remember last September. Last September sucked. A lot. This one looks to be just about as bad, minus one perk that will keep me smiling for quite some time: Adrian's staying! I might even get to be in a class with him :D That would be nice, but even if it doesn't happen, I'm so happy that he's staying local and we can keep working together ;) So, basically the gist of this post is: Good news - School is over! Bad news - School is almost here! Ironic, I suppose. Sigh, isn't that how life is sometimes? In the meantime, I'm gonna soak up the sun and bask in the company of the friends who are here now. I'll think about their departure another time, when I feel less inclined to cry about it. :)

Ick...

2007-08-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

This week is mixed. The beginning was really nice, with Agrifair and Chris Janz and Swing Dancing on Sunday and then Bethany's party yesterday. Unfortunately, it's been going downhill fairly quickly. I have an exam tomorrow and another one on Thursday and I'm not prepared for either. I'm studying today and I will be again tomorrow for the next one, but in the meantime it's a pile of stress that I don't need. I'm also feeling really confused about other aspects of my life right now. I've had a lot of advice thrown at me in the past few days, but none of it seems terribly helpful. The one person I do want to talk to, the one who usually calms me down in the face of this stuff, is the one person I can't talk to right now. It really sucks. I'm tired and stressed and lonely and it's completely my fault. Or at least that's how it feels. It is too bad that growth is often accompanied by growing pains. I need to focus. I need to think clearly. I need to re-evaluate priorities and expectations and all of that good stuff. I'm pretty sure I'm drained. If I am correct (which is likely in this case), I believe that's what's making life so difficult right now. For those of you who know Switchfoot, I keep coming back to "Let that be enough". I keep trying to do all of these tasks, impress all of these people, succeed in all of my schoolwork, work whenever my bosses need me... but it never seems to be enough. Somehow I manage to fall short each time. It leaves me wondering about my worth and my place here. When can I get my happiness back? It's been gone for a while and I really miss it. I've got this fake version that works for satisfying curious people from time to time, but it's not nearly as comfortable as my normal kind. I guess this isn't a terribly happy post... I just don't have very much of that emotion to spare at the moment. Back to the books now, it's time to cram into my brain all of the things I'll never remember anyway.

Looooooong Weekend

2007-07-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's not really a long weekend. As far as actual weekend length goes, this weekend is as normal as they come. Saturday, Sunday, done. No holiday Monday or anything... It's just going to feel really long for me. A bunch of my friends are leaving this weekend for different things. Adrian's gone to the Philippines for a couple weeks, so that leaves me work-lonely and after-work-lonely and just missing him in general. He's not the only one out of town for a bit. Grant and Matt have headed out to Sunshine Valley for a backpacking trip with some other guys from church. So that leaves just the girls in town... for the most part. Kelly and I both have major assignments due for our Psych class on Monday. I haven't actually started compiling mine yet, and I'm sure she has some little stuff to finish up. She is an amazing time-manager! She also has the most amazing study-skills out of anyone I've ever met! Megan is here too, but I don't know what she's up to... I need to hang out with her. I miss her sooo much! It's funny how someone can live practically down the street and yet you never see them. When you put all this together, the result is an extremely long weekend for me. My Psych assignment leaves me with one option: to barricade myself in my house, at my desk, every spare moment I have so that I can finish on time. Sigh... At least by this time on Monday I'll be that much closer to finishing the semester and a few more of my friends will be home. Maybe I'll post again then. I dunno, we'll see. At this point, I just needed to rant. On the bright side, the weather is gorgeous and summer semester is almost finished! I'm excited for the end of the semester and, subsequently, my summer vacation! WOOHOO!

Heatwave

2007-07-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

The weather here has been unusually warm, even for summer time. Temperatures in the high 30s and early 40s have been rocking our area, much to the shock of the people who live here. It's actually kind of scary, seeing the effects of the heat. I saw an older man on the sidewalk yesterday who was down on his hands and knees and he looked like he was having trouble breathing. He had a group of about three or four people around him trying to help him. When the weather gets this hot it's really tough on older people and kids and pets and there's nothing we can really do, besides try to shield ourselves from the heat. It's pretty crazy! People talk about global warming and climate change and stuff with all of their new theories and whatnot, but in my personal experience the weather here has definitely been getting a whole lot more extreme in the past few years. I mean, we got snow this year?!?!? A whole bunch of it, for a really long time. And it actually got below-freezing!!!?! That rarely happens here. We generally have such a mild climate and what we are experiencing right now is anything but mild! That being said, I am enjoying the warmer weather! I don't feel cold anymore, lol. The downside is that I feel like I need to shower every couple hours. I don't like feeling sticky :S I also have a valid excuse to grab a Starbucks frap or to zip over to Booster Juice ;)In the wintertime it's a bit more difficult to explain my preferences for frozen drinks, but this is coming from someone who gets cravings for a caramel macchiato on the hottest day of the year... My inner thermostat is just totally messed up :P Anyway, I think I'm gonna head over to the mall to revel in summer sales and air conditioning. Hope you are finding ways to enjoy, or beat, the heat ;)

Not myself lately...

2007-07-05T00:07:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling kind of weird recently. Not in my usual weirdness way either. I'm talking health-related this time. It actually really sucks :( I've kinda been all over the place, stomachache, headache, mildly feverish, energy-less, feeling like I'm gonna pass out... Any of those things by themselves I can explain away, but when you stick 'em all together and stick 'em on me, well, that's a problem. So please, please, please, pray that God would put His hand of healing over me and make my body act the way it's supposed to. That's the newest with me. On another (happier) note, one of my friends passed his roadtest! Yay! There is also a festival this weekend that we're all planning to attend for some summertime fun :)Add to that the fact that the weather has been absolutely gorgeous and Canada Day was a blast and you get a pretty darn good week overall!(I like to end on a positive note when possible ^^).

Some things never change...

2007-06-30T22:14:00.001-07:00

Ok, weirdest of all weirdness... Some of you may remember a post I made on my other blog ages and ages ago. I took the same quiz again tonight, due to extreme boredom and random web-surfing, and I got the same result! Here you go:

You Are Banana Pocky

Your attitude: fun and lighthearted
Unique and unforgettable
You are cutie everyone falls for

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

Summer? What is Summer?

2007-06-27T23:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I've certainly outdone my \self this time. In my ongoing efforts to finish school on time without going into debt, I have been taking summer courses. To my mixed relief and sadness, I actually finished one yesterday. While it's nice to have it out of the way assignment and exam-wise, I enjoyed the class and I will miss the material and discussions. That leaves me with two courses half-way finished. I must admit, I will be celebrating like mad when these two are finished! I cannot see any reason why I would have mixed feelings about these ending, besides the fact that one of my bestest friends is in one of the classes with me ;). Between school and work, I pretty much have only nights left to me, and that's not exactly the best time to have off if you feel like enjoying the sunshine... Despite all of this, life is getting brighter. Little things (and BIG things!) have been happening in my life that help me remember that God is watching out for me and taking care of me and loving me in a way that only He can. That is such an encouraging and uplifting thought! I've been learning quite a bit lately too... everything from the origin and insertion of the sternocleidomastoid muscle, to lessons taught by lilies and buttons. For the record, I like lilies and buttons more than muscles, but you kinda need muscles to function... so they aren't all that bad either. By the way, if anyone can explain to me why society has deemed a university education a next-to-necessity for survival, please drop me a note. Some days it seems so impractical... Lab credit requirements?!?! In all honesty, requirements like those just sound like excuses to squeeze more money from students' wallets. The proverbial 'they' probably has a strategic excuse, *ahem* reason, for such things, but I would like to see how practical it actually is in true-life application. Enough of this rant... The long weekend is fast approaching and I find myself with some much-anticipated time off. I considered going camping, only to realize I'd be going by myself. Not an entirely bad idea, as I do enjoy my solitude, but I'm pretty sure the people around me would not appreciate it so much. Something about parents and significant others and best friends being protective of the ones they care about... I suppose that leaves me here and there for the jubilation. Fireworksandsuch with paradesandfestivals, sounds just peachy to me. Throw in some sunshine and a tonne of laughter and it begins to sound like something in my distant memory... A vacation, perhaps? A season without work or school and enough time to sleep in and possibly even frolic in beautiful weather? It almost sounds too good to be true! Yet, I remember shadows of such a time... Maybe I'll rediscover Summer after all...

Snow. AGAIN!

2007-01-12T10:10:00.000-08:00

Arrrghh... The snow has returned. This time we didn't get as much, but it's been waaaay colder, turning the roads into a giant skating rink. Well, enough complaining. Christmas came and went and it was really nice. Everyone came home and I got to see all of the people who I have been missing for so long. New Year's Eve was quite memorable too. I went to a party at my friend's house and it was a blast. An eventful game of monopoly, tickle-wrestling, noisy dominoes, and bizarre flash movies all combined to ring in the New year in an extremely amusing fashion. School's started again... I'm not as happy about that. We'll see what happens though. God has a plan for me, I just need to figure out what it is. For now, I am waiting and praying and trying to determine what exactly it is that I am supposed to be doing. I want so many things, but some of them I need to wait for. One thing is for sure: I am definitely looking forward to the end of the semester! That's all I can think of right now. I might post again later if I think of anything else. This one closes with an additional plea for the snow to go away soon...
<3 B1

Still learning...

2006-12-12T22:18:00.000-08:00

I just spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what my computer did to itself. Computers are funny that way, you know. They 'update' themselves. By 'update' they really mean change completely. My computer just 'updated' Internet Explorer. I just hope it stays open long enough for me to type this. Ok, I need to get off this topic before my intense dislike of computers turns into more than intense dislike.
Exams are almost over! I am very excited. The sooner they are over, the better, in my opinion. I have three left... out of four. So I'm an optimist, the world's gotta have a few! Friday I have two and then my last one is Monday morning. I'm so stoked for Monday. My exams are done, Matt comes home, there's a concert, and... IT'S SUPPOSED TO SNOW!!! Only this time, if it snows, I'll be able to enjoy it instead of worrying about how many classes I'm missing! After the 18th, there is the 19th (at least, that's how it usually goes). The 19th is looking amazing too! MORE SNOW! Grant comes home. I don't think I need to say any more. Anyone who knows me knows exactly what that means. It means that I won't be able to sleep after the concert. Christmas is coming. School's almost over. I'm alive. Life is good. GOD is good.
'Til next time, Merry Christmas! I hope your holidays are as nice as mine look from here. :)

Christmas is coming...

2006-12-06T23:16:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since my last post... That's the way it usually is with me. The snow is melting, which means I can drive again! That's nice, considering I had a pretty freaky bus incident. The first time in my life I take the bus, and I am never taking it again! Especially not by myself, after dark. I wrote my French exam today... I know I passed. That's a good thing in and of itself. One down, three to go. I don't have another one for a week and a half, and then I have two on the same day. I suppose it's irony. Anyway, Christmas is coming! I am sooo excited! There are only thirteen days until the 19th. That means there are only twelve days until my exams are done, thirteen 'til someone wonderful comes home, and nineteen 'til Christmas. All of those days look pretty good :) I suppose the best thing I'm looking forward to in the very near future is the 13th. I get to finally spend time with my best friend! I feel like I haven't truly talked to her in ages. So, that is looking quite wonderful from here! For the present, I'm glad I get to sleep in tomorrow morning. That should be nice. I'll probably make another after the rest of my exams. Until then, Merry Christmas!

Snow Days

2006-11-29T17:12:00.000-08:00

Well, it started snowing on Saturday and has been snowing off and on ever since. School was cancelled on Monday and Tuesday and the roads were still bad today, so I couldn't make it to the campus. I'm a little bit worried because my exams are next week and I'm missing most of my last classes. I had a History book report due on Monday, and I've had a whole bunch of French assignments due, both on Monday and Wednesday.My History prof postponed the deadline to Thursday, but since the road conditions are still so bad, he had to bump it to next Monday. Actually, all of my profs have been really good about the whole thing. A lot of them have been inconvenienced by the weather too, and they aren't unreasonable. They understand that some stuff is just beyond the ability of the student to control, and they don't deduct marks for that :)On a happier note, EXAMS ARE ALMOST OVER! So what if they haven't started yet. I am an optimist! On another happy note, the world is beautiful while sleeping under this glistening white blanket. God sure knows how to create a masterpiece! Yesterday, I watched a gust of wind blow a bunch of powder snow off of a tree and into the air. The sun caught the snow perfectly, making it sparkle and shine. At that moment, it wasn't hard to imagine myself as being a small figurine in an enormous snowglobe. I'll leave you with that picture, as well as a request for prayer. I'd really appreciate it if you could pray for my whole school situation. Handing in the last of the assignments, studying, exams, better road conditions... Basically everything of, or having to do with, school. Thanks!

Lifeline...

2006-11-22T22:36:00.000-08:00

Ok, for those of you who don't know, I'm a youth sponsor for my church's middle school ministry. It is soooo much fun! The kids are amazing, and the chance to share God's love with them really brightens my week. Not to mention the fact that I get to hang out with a bunch of really great friends who are also on the sponsor staff :) I think one of my favourite things about Lifeline is that, no matter how my week has gone, I can go there and leave all the junk behind me. Homework, stress, lack of sleep, family issues.... they evaporate when I walk through those doors. I find that God uses Lifeline to remind me that He is in control and things are really never as bad as they appear to be. Needless to say, I am thankful for this experience. I think a lot of people enter this kind of ministry expecting to give and give and give, and you do, but you also get so much back... All I can say is that God is good!
Goodnight ;)