Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Ick...
This week is mixed. The beginning was really nice, with Agrifair and Chris Janz and Swing Dancing on Sunday and then Bethany's party yesterday. Unfortunately, it's been going downhill fairly quickly. I have an exam tomorrow and another one on Thursday and I'm not prepared for either. I'm studying today and I will be again tomorrow for the next one, but in the meantime it's a pile of stress that I don't need. I'm also feeling really confused about other aspects of my life right now. I've had a lot of advice thrown at me in the past few days, but none of it seems terribly helpful. The one person I do want to talk to, the one who usually calms me down in the face of this stuff, is the one person I can't talk to right now. It really sucks. I'm tired and stressed and lonely and it's completely my fault. Or at least that's how it feels. It is too bad that growth is often accompanied by growing pains. I need to focus. I need to think clearly. I need to re-evaluate priorities and expectations and all of that good stuff. I'm pretty sure I'm drained. If I am correct (which is likely in this case), I believe that's what's making life so difficult right now. For those of you who know Switchfoot, I keep coming back to "Let that be enough". I keep trying to do all of these tasks, impress all of these people, succeed in all of my schoolwork, work whenever my bosses need me... but it never seems to be enough. Somehow I manage to fall short each time. It leaves me wondering about my worth and my place here. When can I get my happiness back? It's been gone for a while and I really miss it. I've got this fake version that works for satisfying curious people from time to time, but it's not nearly as comfortable as my normal kind. I guess this isn't a terribly happy post... I just don't have very much of that emotion to spare at the moment. Back to the books now, it's time to cram into my brain all of the things I'll never remember anyway.
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3 comments:
Random thought: Why is it that when someone says "it's all downhill from here", it's a good thing, but when someone says "everything's going downhill", it's a bad thing? Perhaps the best moments in life are when you're at the top of the peak, and not moving. Which kinda makes sense in its own quirky way.
Or, in geek terms:
If the following are true:
dy/dx = 0
d^2y/(dx)^2 = 0
dx/dt = dy/dt = 0
then happiness = maximum.
(sorry, just had to throw that in :P)
Anyway, good luck. I'm praying for you. :)
Sorry, that second line should be d^2y/(dx)^2 < 0, not equal to zero. I know you probably don't care, but mistakes like that bother me. :P
Thanks Matt :) I do feel better today. I think there were some things I had to deal with/rant about/express/etc. that were bringing me down. I finally just gave it up. I can't do it on my own and I'm not even going to try at this point. God is good and He blesses us because HE loves us! As a result, I got my hope and joy back! I just need to remember to go straight to the source next time I get down. Thanks again for cheering me up :) Even though I don't really understand that equation, I get the gist of it and I do understand the desire to correct oneself. (I hate making apostrophe errors, lol) Hopefully I'll see you today at lunchtime :)
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