What to do?

Central Heights has dropped its young adults ministry. That means no more Sunday School. That means sitting in coffee connections for an hour or so wasting time and straining to hear the conversations going on around me. I was afraid this would happen. I've been contemplating different things. I thought maybe it wouldn't matter so much to not have Sunday School at first because I thought I could still go to InsideOut, but I can't because I work on Mondays. Then I thought of switching churches, just for Sunday - meaning still going to Lifeline on Wednesdays and stuff. That idea is both appealing and unappealing. I would like to go somewhere where I will learn. Today, I feel like I would have accomplished more by staying home and doing nothing. It sucks. I didn't go to service today either, because we were in JAM. I don't know how much longer I want to be in JAM either... I just feel like I'm not growing at this church anymore and it really scares me. I want to learn and I want to grow. I wish I could go to a school where it was part of the curriculum or something, anything really. The reasons I don't want to leave CHC are significant. My friends are there. It's safe. It's comfortable. My little brother likes it there and he is learning and growing. I love the Lifeline ministry I am involved in. For right now, I'm in limbo. I don't where to go or what to do. I'm going to pray about it and see what happens from there. I just feel really trapped, and church isn't about imprisoning people, it's supposed to be about helping them find freedom.

On another, equally disappointing note, my dad quit his job on Friday. That leaves both of my parents unemployed and completely stressed out. The job was really not that great for him. It started out seeming alright, but then he was having to work 4-5 hours of overtime *every* day. It also included a lot of physical labour that was too much for his body to handle. He's been having back and leg problems since he started. My mom was mad about it from the start 'cause it never seemed to be getting better and the company had broken all of its promises. On top of that, my great uncle passed away the night that he quit. My dad's mom called the next morning to let him know. I think it's really hit him hard. My mom has been crying constantly for the past few days.

That's about all. I'm too upset to add anything else right now.

The Dame and the what??!!

I know the title of this post makes absolutely no sense to you. It didn't to me either, until my English class this morning. I'm learning!!! AND IT'S FUN!!! I am loving my classes right now. I have fantastic professors and really cool peers in all of them. For once in my university career, I am not in a hurry to leave campus when my classes end. I don't hole myself up in the study lounge either. There seem to be so many more people that I know this year, people I keep running into or seeing in the halls... It's great!

My English 209 class (Structure of English Language) is fabulous. Adrian is in that class with me and we always have a great time. Our professor is a riot! He is funny and intelligent and bears a mild resemblance to Santa Claus. We have already learned so much in that class! It's interesting and interactive - not the kind of class where you just sit and listen to an old guy with a bad accent drone for three hours. I am also totally in love with the fact that all of my classes are twice a week, meaning no three-hour lectures!

Added about a week later.... I wrote this post and I didn't post it. Can't remember why... Must've gone to do something else. Here it is, as I left it.

Pondering

There have been many things happening lately. The fall is usually a time of change in my life, but this year it appears to contain more change. I got a call a few days ago from a woman who wants me to tutor her children in English. So, thanks to a recommendation from Megan :), I now have a tutoring job! It's four hours a week - 2 on Tuesday and 2 on Thursday. I am excited to start! Teaching English as a second language is something that has piqued my interest for a little while and this will be an opportunity to explore it and hopefully it will help me gain some valuable teaching experience. So, if you think of it, please pray for wisdom and patience and all of the things necessary for making a positive difference in the lives of the children I will be helping. Like I said before, I am excited, but I am also nervous :S.

I have a restlessness in my bones of late... I have a desire to travel and break from the routine that ties me down. I've been looking into various options and the response has been unimaginably positive. I got a call from Marco of the Continental Singers asking me if I was still interested in becoming a part of their program and asking me to give him a call back. I have yet to do that, but I'm thinking I might. I have also been considering becoming an au pair. I have received a few emails from interested families in many different places - from Barrie, Ontario to London, England. So many things have been happening... It really feels like I'm on the edge of a big change. Today someone said something to me that got me thinking even more. I still don't know whether it was serious or not and, until I do, I'm not really in any position to make any decisions or conclusions about it.

As the title of this post suggests, I'm pondering. I've got an awful lot to ponder over the next little while. I'm extremely relieved that I'm not in charge here. It's reassuring to know that God is taking care of all of it, even when I feel like I'm on the brink of a tsunami of change. For now, I am content to sit back, quietly observe what's happening around me, and enjoy the ride.

Surf's up!

I have THE best friends EVER! My birthday was yesterday. Usually, people get excited for their birthdays and they look forward to the arrival of the anniversary of their birth. Not me. I'm notorious for forgetting my own birthday. Pretty sad, eh? To my credit, my birthday falls at a pretty busy time, so it's pretty easy to forget. Last year, I forgot my own birthday. I didn't remember 'til my mom called me on my way to school and started singing. All of my friends It was pretty much the worst birthday ever... This year was completely different! People started wishing me a happy birthday from 12:00 am and on from there. I had a class with Adrian in the morning and we got to eat lunch together afterward. School went decently well and I didn't have to work. After school, Adrian and I headed back to my house and Megan joined us later on. WE ate together, talked together, and laughed together. It was fabulous! No huge party with tonnes of alcohol and ear-drum rupturing music, just a few friends and my family spending some time together. Needless to say, yesterday rocked :) I got some cool, useful presents that have already provided many hours of amusement and enjoyment. There are so many other little things too... small things that have all added up to an amazing beginning for the next year. I'm excited to see what else God has in store for me. Things are finally starting to look up! Yet again, I find that music says it best. I'll let the song do the talking:


Feeling Good - Michael Bublé

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on the tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Yeah freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good

Peace out y'all ;)

N <3

Let that be enough.

This post is pretty cut-and-dried. The following are lyrics from an older Switchfoot song. This song sums up where I am and what I'm feeling at the moment. Isn't it great how songs can be perfect for that?

Let that be Enough - Switchfoot

Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

September Blues

September has arrived once again, bringing hints of fall and the beginning of a new school year. I often wonder why it always feel like summer is never long enough... I think today is the worst of it. If I can make it through this day, I can make it through this week. If I can make it through this week, I can make it through this month. I'm just trying not to think too much today. Matt and Grant left this morning. I went to the airport (after much internal debate) to see Grant off. I'm still not terribly sure that it was the best idea... I'm glad that I got to see him again before he left, but I'm not the best when it comes to goodbyes. Emotionally, I'm pretty much in turmoil right now. I haven't cried this much in a very long time. Love is such a funny thing. It can make you feel better than anything and it can make you feel worse than anything. This is a worse-than-anything moment for me :) Funny to put a smile there, I know, but it's my mild attempt at humour. Good news though! I'm one day closer to school being over! That's the eternal optimism there. Guess I'm not as out of it as I thought... ;)